Clara pushes the envelope. She is preparing for the deep water test at the Y. She has solo dance sessions that are irresistible to watch (I think she might be a Mariah fan). But she also has stinky character right now. She can have so much sass and disrespect, I want to throw up my hands! She has my mean bone and some of my mean-girl tendencies. When they surface, I am paralyzed at the self-recognition and horrified at the relational-damage she is capable of. She is audacious in striking her brothers and deceiving her sister is a daily occurrence.
But then things like Sunday happened. I've discussed before the way that the kids at St. V's re-enter the service by bringing up the food-pantry baskets. Well, first of all, we were singing the Servant Song, which we sang at our wedding. So Geoff and I are both misty and crackly-voiced to begin with. Then here come the kids: Manny and Benicio tandem-carrying a laundry basket of food. But no Clara. The whole line of kids goes up but I don't see my girl. Just then, I see her carrying the bread for Communion. She and her friend, and the Spiritual Director are bringing up the sacramentals. And then they get up to the Altar, she stands poised. When she catches my eye, she bites her lip to stifle her smile. I am covering my mouth to stifle my tearful paroxysms: our girl is up there presenting the bread and wine! Seeing her up there, she seems so big! Having no pocket, she carries her Sunday School page inside the red sash of her dress. Oh, I will keep that picture of her in my heart forever.
Our little girl, wild and beautiful sinner that she is up there with the body of Christ. This is how I feel starting Seminary. A messy, broken and complicated character standing to bear witness to God's Word, to God's work in the world. Small in comparison to the thing I am witnessing but in it and attentive none the less.
